• May
    05

    HHP: Ten Worst Things About Being an Orioles Fan


    by Larry Hodges alias "larrytt"

    10) It's nerve-wracking knowing that while our team's 2.86 ERA leads the AL, we're only one 14-run outburst from dropping to second behind the Ranger's 3.38.

    9) That crick in your neck as you look over your shoulder to see where the Yankees and Red Sox are, and that dry burning in your eyes as you squint and stare way into the distance trying to find them.

    8) You are in constant fear of people from New York and Boston who hate your guts. (Actually, it leaves a warm feeling inside, doesn't it?)

    7) After the Orioles sweep the Nationals in the World Series you'll still expect the inevitable collapse.

    6) It's so boring when the other team bats. (But grab some popcorn when they hit the ball to third.)

    5) It's hard to hold your head up high in public when your team is dead last in the majors in stolen bases. Of course, it's tough stealing bases when all your guys are jogging around the bases.

    4) If you park your car anywhere near Baltimore you have to replace your windshield at least twice a month.

    3) No matter how well we hit, pitch, and field, we'll still condemn the way the Orioles perform those three aspects - it's in our Baltimore DNA. After all, Baltimore is just an anagram for "Blame Trio."

    2) All that time wasted each day recalculating the bullpen ERAs of Ayala, Lindstrom, and Johnson. (Earth to Orioles fans: it's still 0.00. O'Day and Strop continue to humiliate us with their respective 0.68 and 1.80 ERAs.)

    1) That nervous moment each morning when you check the newspaper to see if the Orioles have signed another aging former star who can no longer play. Fortunately, the Orioles have learned from experience and would never sign someone like that, no matter how many great seasons they once had for the Orioles. Not a chance. So rest easy. Now, where's that newspaper . . . it says the Orioles have signed WHAT?!!!


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