• Aug
    30

    HHP: Top Ten Reasons the Orioles Will Make the Playoffs


    by Larry Hodges (alias larrytt)

    10) There is no "R" (sorry Red Sox, Rays and Rangers), nor is there an "I" (sorry Indians) in PLAYOFFS. There is, however, an "O."

    9) In a race to the finish, who's going to win? A yankee (a mere human from northeastern USA who can run no faster than 27 mph), a red sock (an inanimate object that covers the foot of a slow human), a ray (that flops about on land), a tiger (which can run 50 mph), an indian (another slow human), a ranger (another slow human), the letter A (which just sits on a piece of paper or computer screen), or an oriole (which can fly 70 mph)? Orioles fly to victory!!! (Fortunately the Blue Jays are out of it, not to mention the Angels and Astros.) 

    8) By this time of year opposing pitchers are worn down from lack of sleep from just thinking about pitching to Chris Davis.

    7) Long-term planning will pay off. All 33 of Chris Davis's home runs last year are still in orbit, carefully placed there by Chris's bat so that they'd drop down on opposing pitchers heads during the last 30 games of the season. One per game, and three extra ones for extra innings. And wait until you see what happens the last 62 games next season!!!

    6) Because when Buck says "Make it so," it happens. (With apologies to Captain Picard.) 

    5) Because when Buck says "Make 'em so-so," the opposing team becomes so-so. (With further apologies to Captain Picard.)

    4) Because Orioles is just an anagram for OIR LOSE, which stands for "Oakland Indians Rays/Red sox LOSE." (And they all lost tonight.) 

    3) It's in our player names: "Manny O'Day Wieters to Hunter Davis Jim." Translation: "Many a day we tries to hunt our division." (Hey, see if you can do better! I wanted to use "Troy" for "try" but had that pesky "ters" in "Wieters" to deal with.) 

    2) There will be no final sprint to the finish for a wild card spot. All it'll take is a slow crawl, which the Orioles are good at. When they get one of the wild card spots, they'll look back and explain that they, "did crawl," which is just an anagram for "wild card." (Of course the Tigers don't have a chance of getting a "wild card spot," since that's just an anagram for "Drop Wildcats.")

    1) The World Series is the only thing better than the Garden of Eden. If Adam isn't in a pennant race to the Eve of the World Series chase, there will be no human race.


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