• Sep

    HHP: Top Ten Worrisome Facts About the Orioles

    by Larry Hodges (alias larrytt)

    10) It's been hours since Chris Davis last homered.

    9) The Orioles have so many second basemen that Matt Wieters uses them to practice his juggling between innings, rather than focus on baseball, which is why he's having a poor offensive season. It also leads to dizzy second baseman, which is why none of them can hit either.

    8) Machado keeps making incredible plays at third base. But to make incredible plays at third base someone must be hitting the ball very hard. Orioles pitchers, stop letting opposing hitters hit the ball very hard!!!

    7) Starting pitcher Bud Norris has 2 hits in 3 AB. Backup catcher Chris Snider has 2 hits in 19 AB.

    6) Four of the five Orioles starters have ERAs of 4.00 or lower, yet the Orioles starting pitching for the season has an ERA of 4.59. The math gods are laughing. 

    5) The Baltimore Orioles need to get broiling hot or they will lose. How do we know this? Because "Baltimore" is an anagram for "Team Broil," and "Orioles" is an anagram for "Or I lose." 

    4) Orioles are 16-27 in one-run games. If we'd split, we'd be leading by 1.5 games for the first wild card spot, and by 3 games for the second spot. (And this doesn't take into account the losses we'd give opponents in these games.) 

    3) We've outscored the wifflebat Yankees by 74 runs, and yet they're half a game ahead of us. 

    2) Chris Davis is second in the majors in strikeouts with 179. And yet, when he strikes out, his batting average isn't that much lower than the Orioles starting second basemen, catchers, and (until Valencia showed up) DHs. 

    1) With 15 games to go, Chris Davis has 50 homers, 40 doubles, and 129 RBI; Jones has 31 homers and 102 RBI; Machado has 49 doubles; Orioles lead the majors in homers with 197 (26 more than the next best); Tillman is 16-5; Johnson leads the AL in saves with 44; we've got arguably the best defense in baseball history; Orioles lead the AL East in ERA in September at 3.49; four of our starters have ERAs at 4.00 or lower for the year; we're third in the league in runs scored; and we STILL haven't locked up a playoff spot???

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